The Vampire Diaries: Invasion of the Body Snatchers

This recap and review is crazy late because... well... life. But here's what happened on last night's episode of The Vampire Diaries: Markos, the leader of the Travelers, has come back from the dead...and in doing so, has caused all hell to break loose. Travelers are taking over the town of Mystic Falls and some crazy shit is going down on the Other Side.

Watch this Episode "Resident Evil"


The episode opens up to Elena writing in her diary... because she's a vampire and it's the Vampire Diaries. Get it? Get it? Ugh. Can we please get over this fucking diaries theme? I know it's the name of the show, but it's so tired. Anyway, Elena rips a page out of her diary - even though that's totally not how diaries work - and it blows away. She chases after it and finds Stefan. They have a really cheesy stupid conversation and then they introduces themselves. Say whaaaaat? Okay, turns out this is just a fantasy vision dream sequence that Elena was having. Talk about the most boring dream in the history of dreams. Last night I had a dream that I was a secret agent and was tracking an alien murderer with Justin Timberlake and a pair of flying monkeys. But Elena is dreaming about writing in her diary.

Meanwhile, Damon and Enzo are playing pool at Casa de Salvatore. Enzo recaps us on the Damon-and-Elena breakup (he says they're taking some time apart; Enzo and the rest of us know that they are broken up). Damon pretends to be fine, but we all know he isn't.
Damon: I'm fine. We're just taking some time apart.
Enzo: Yeah of course, a friends phase. Where you - her friend - watch as she moves on with her life, finds a new boyfriend, perhaps a nice gentleman from a fraternity, Chance or Brock. 
Enzo still hasn't found his mysteriously missing "girlfriend" Maggie either because they Travelers all spontaneously combusted before they told him where she was. Assholes.

Caroline and Elena go to the Grille, where Elena has another vision of her coming home from a date with Stefan. In this one, her dad is alive and waiting up for her after the date, so... that's different. She comes back to reality and tells Caroline what's going on. Caroline tries to psychoanalyze her.
Caroline: It's Psych 101. Actually it's whatever comes before 101. You tell Damon that you can't see him anymore and now you're having dreams about Stefan?
Seriously, Caroline has gotten extra fucking annoying ever since she's been going to college. Such a know-it-all. YOU KNOW YOU'RE A FRESHMAN RIGHT? You solve one case of vampire PTSD and you think you're a shrink now? Listen honey, this is the Vampire Diaries. When your friend is having visions, there's something supernatural happening, it's not feelings. Haven't you figured that out by now? It's season 5!

Elena admits that in the dream her parents were still alive and it was like a different life. Stefan calls Caroline to tell her that he's having visions of Elena. Coincidence? I think not. Neither of them are crazy, something is going on. It's some doppelganger shit obviously.

Elsewhere, Bonnie calls Jeremy and it's clear that he hasn't been returning her calls. He's been a real dick lately. Then Bonnie has an Other Side moment where she chats with her Grams. Something is wrong on the Other Side. Some of the witches think that the Travelers tried to overwhelm her so that someone could get through and cone back (good guess Grams, we all know that it is Markos, the Travelers' leader). Ever since that happened, shit has been crazy on the Other Side and all the dead witches are scared.

The living witches are scared too according to that bitch witch Liv. She tells The Three Stooges (Jeremy, Matt and Tyler) that she can't fill them in on what's going on until she's sure there aren't any Traveler passengers chilling inside them. She gives them the Traveler knife so they can be sure.
Matt: You want us to stab ourselves?
They do it and she tells them that her coven has been tracking the travelers for thousands of years. They're always on the move, but sometimes they stop to gather. No one notices because they take over towns by putting passengers inside the townsfolk. She thinks they're doing this in Mystic Falls too - and she's right, as we witness a letter carrier, Jeremy's teacher, and Caroline's mom (Sheriff Forbes) all get body-jacked by Travelers.

Matt goes to the Grill and Caroline tells him that her mom never showed up to meet her (and isn't answering texts) so please let her know something came up if she shows. We already know her mom's got a passenger and it looks like Matt suspects that as well. That thing that came up is the doppelvisions. Elena calls Damon but he doesn't answer, so Caroline calls Enzo instead assuming they're together because neither of them have any other friends in town. He does answer because he's fucking ENZO! He puts her on speakerphone and Caroline explains that even though they all laughed off the notion that the Universe was drawing Elena and Stefan together... it's happening. Ever since they killed Doppel-Tom and Stefan and Elena are now the last pair of doppelgangers, they've been having visions.
Caroline: It might explain why Stefan and Elena are suddnely having vision-type situations of each other
Damon: Wait. what kind of visions?
Enzo: You know what she's not telling you. Someobody's having sex dreams.
Elena: They're not sex dreams.
Caroline: Yeah they're more like romance dreams.
Damon: I don't need to know that.
Stefan went back to the Traveler camp to see if anyone is still there to tell him what's going on, but of course, all those Travelers committed mass suicide. Damon tells them to call the witch and get over to his place. 

Bonnie shows up to Tyler/Matt/Jeremy's house (it's like the No Moms Boys Club up in there) because he's been a d-bag and not calling her back. She's upset when she sees that Liv is there. Liv pretends that Jeremy hired her to tutor him in math, because yeah that's a totally beleivable cover story, what the fuck? She might as well have said she was there to coach him in water ballet. Bonnie is pissed because it's one thing if your boyfriend is blowing you off because he's been buried alive again or something, but it's quite another if he's doing it because he's spending time with some skank who played his girlfriend and tried to murder his sister. He says she just has to trust him, but he can't tell her what's going on. He's upset to have to keep secrets from Bonnie but Liv doesn't want anyone else to know - bad enough the Three Stooges are in on the plan, but the fewer people who know what's going on the less difficult it will be to sneak up on the Travelers.

Matt calls to let him know that he's checking up on Sheriff Forbes because if he was going to take over a town, he'd start at the top. (This town is so sad that Sheriff Forbes is "the top".) He mentions that they should bring the Traveler knife but Sheriff Forbes overhears. She stabs him in the neck, but lucky for him he's wearing his lifesaving Gilbert ring. He appears to Bonnie and says he's dead, so she has to tell Jeremy that the sheriff is in trouble. Then apologies to have to pass through her. Man, Bonnie's life sucks doesn't it? He goes to the other side, where he will wait out his death period before reentering his body and there's a creepy dude watching him when he gets up. He's not a witch, but he can see him. Um... okay. Then Kol (one of the Original vampires, but not the sexy one) shows up to explain that the Other Side is "all topsy turvy". He's still a little cranky about being murdered pointlessly by Jeremy, but he's also a little worried about the shit that's going down in deadtown.
Matt: I thought the point of this place was to live out your afterlife in solitude. Why can I see you?
Kol: Well apparently there's trouble in paradise.
The Other Side is unravling because someone (Markos) tore his way out of there. Matt shouldn't worry because he's just "on holiday" but he wants to see his sister Vicki.

Caroline and Elena go to Casa de Salvatore to meet with Damon and Enzo. Enzo and Caroline leave the room almost immediately because they're obvious, but they sit and eavesdrop. The most excruciatingly awkward small talk ensues. I swear, I've had similar encounters every time I run into an ex at the post office or grocery store. It sucks. Ugh, I hate broken up Elena and Damon. Just have sex with her on the pool table or something and put the rest of out of our misery! When the encounter gets just too awkward to tolerate, they have a conversation about how it is awkward because that totally makes it even more awkward.
Damon: So... sex dreams about my brother?
Elena: Wow, that's defnitely one way to change the subject.  
He asks if she and Stefan are really really really happy in the visions and she admits that they are. He tells her that the prophecy says they are fated to be together. Poor Damon. In the other room, Caroline asks Enzo about Maggie but Enzo admits that the Travelers didn't tell him where she was before they lit themselves on fire.
Enzo: Talk about a lead going up in smoke.
Caroline: Yeah but - and no offense - even if she still was alive, wouldn't she be really old?
Enzo: 70 years of captivity and she was the face that I clung to, just the notion that one day I'd get out and see her again. I don't want to date her Caroline, I want to thank her.

There's a knock at the door and it's Luke. 
Damon: We're all good on bibles, thanks.
Luke: I'm Luke Parker, Liv's twin brother.
Damon: Liv has a twin? Is it possible for there to just be one of someone around here?
I'm gonna take this moment to ask once again for the writers to please give us a Damon doppelganger already!

Liv is busy (yeah, busy being a fucking bitch with Jeremy) so Luke is there to help them figure out what's up with the doppelvisions. Luke tells them that they believe the Travelers' leader Markos is back. The witches don't know where he is, but he thinks that the visions are not only drawing Stefan and Elena to each other, but also to the Travelers, because they need their doppelblood. If they pay closer attention to the visions, they might be able to notice clues that will lead them to Markos and the Travelers. So... Luke can tell the whole gang about the Travelers, but Liv is making Jeremy lie to his girlfriend? Yeah okay, that makes sense.

Tyler goes to the police station to check on Sheriff Forbes. She seems to know him - she calls him by name, refers to him as a hybrid, and tells him to keep his "day drinking at the Grill on the DL" because he's not above the law - but he's still suspicious. He mentions that his mom says hi and she tells him to "send her my best" (his mom's dead remember?) He stabs hser with the Travelers knife and tells her she's safe now.... but just then a dark figure appears over him. Hm...

Back at Casa de Salvatore, Damon is moping. As usual.
Elena: What are you doing out here?
Damon: Looking at the stars. Listening to the Universe laugh at me.
Elena: Damon
Damon: We were doomed from the beginning Elena. We were always gonna end up here.
Elena: Damon, they're just visions. As soon as we find Markos, they'll stop.
Damon: And then what? We're friends? Can't wait.
Elena: Look I know we're in a little bit of a weird place right now. Hey, look at me. The universe doesn't control anything. It's not real. 
And then, with perfect poetic timing, she has a vision right in front of him. And it's a good one. Or bad one, if you're Damon. She and Stefan are cooking dinner together, but apparently Stefan isn't a really great cook. Sidenote: My mother walked into the room during this scene. 
Mom: The flame is too high. 
Me: It's a fantasy vision! That doesn't matter.

It's Stefan and Elena's anniversary. Elena opens the drawer and finds a ring box. She says "yes" without even opening it. (What if it was earrings? How embarrassing.) Ugh, vision Stefan and Elena are totally barfy. They kiss and knock the mail on the floor and we get a close up view of an envelope with Stefan's address on it. Elena knows where Markos is - 4620 Walnut Drive.

Meanwhile, Matt is still looking for Vicki on the Other Side. Dude, how long have you been dead? Get the fuck out before you get stuck there for good bro. Vicki appears and they hug. Wait, why isn't Vickie wearing the outfit she died in? This doesn't make any sense! Do they have shopping malls on the Other Side!? I'm sorry, I can suspend my disbelief enough to accept that Matt is checking in on his dead vampire sister because of a magical ring that allows him to come back to life after being killed by some dude who has taken control of his ex-girlfriend's mom... but I refuse to believe that Vicki can change her clothes in the afterlife. Sorry, but NO. Vicki tells him to get the fuck back to his body ASAP (told ya), but he won't leave without her. Um, hello she's dead. He takes her hand and tries to run away with her. (Where exactly do you think you're running to Matt? Into life? Vicki doesn't even have a body to return to, what are you doing!?) She tells him "Matt, I love you... but I'm already dead" and lets go. Then she blows away into oblivion and he makes the same sad, confused face he makes in every episode of this show. Poor Matt.

Enzo and Damon go to 4620 Walnut Drive to look for Markos.
Enzo: I wonder if this is where Stefan and Elena had crazy vision sex. Eh, it's probably the bedroom. Stefan's pretty vanilla but apparently that's Elena's favorite flavor.
Damon: I'm gonna staple your tongue to your chin.
Markos: Not in my house please.
Damon: Markos, I take it? Well I'm not Stefan and this is not Elena.
Markos: Why are you here?
Damon: I was about to ask you the same question. Plus, what do you want and why are the doppelgangers having visions of each other?
Markos: The first two are complicated. The last one's easy. I'm the reason Stefan and Elena are having visions of each other.
Damon: You?
Enzo: Well would you look at that. I think we just met the Universe.

Markos lets Damon know that the whole doppelganger lore has been misinterpreted over the years. Aha! There is no prophecy. The doppelgangers aren't being drawn together because they're fated to be together. They're being drawn together because Markos wants it that way. The only prophecy is that their blood can help the Travelers, so Markos cast a spell 1,500 years ago to draw the doppelgangers together - and more importantly, draw them to the Travelers. Turns out, the best way to draw people together is the promise of true love. But it's just a spell. This show just rewrites its own mythology every few weeks doesn't it?

Markos tells Damon that they should go take a walk. Yeah, let's get some fresh air bro, we can have a little chat, grab an ice cream cone, what the hell... He tells Enzo to stay behind because if he wants to find Maggie, he'll do what Markos wants.
Markos: Mystic Falls is a beautiful down.
Damon: Oh yeah, picket fences, block parties, uncannily high death rate.
Markos: You take your homes for granted.
They stroll around Mystic Falls and Markos tells him that 2,000 years ago Silas and Quetsiyah cast the Immortality spell which caused a schism in the Traveler community - giving rise to the witches. The witches try to keep the Travelers scattered so they can't fulfill their true power. They cursed them from settling down as a tribe, so whenever they get together, disaster strikes - earthquakes, plagues - and they get wiped out. The doppelganger blood can fix this and that's all that they want - they just want to be able to set up camp and hang in one place. (Is anyone else suspicious about the fact that this is all they want? I sure am, so why isn't Damon more skeptical?) The Travelers have found ways to get together in other people's bodies (as passengers) and they're doing that in Mystic Falls. Markos tells Damon that he's not their enemy and to prove it he will stop the visions. The Travelers start their little chanty chants and then we flash to another boring Elena and Stefan vision.

Elena and Stefan are preparing for holidays with the family. They have kids, they're happy, blah blah... They kiss, as the Travelers chant, and then vision Elena opens her eyes to find that Stefan and the kids are gone. The house is empty and she's all alone. Then real Elena wakes up at Casa de Salvatore. She and real Stefan realize that it's over. They both look kind of disappointed. In the visions, they both weren't vampires, her parents were alive (as was her Aunt Jenna), they had kids... it was a life that she will never have. It was fake, but it felt amazing.
Stefan: But the life that we had, I mean, that was amazing too. It wasn't a spell or proephy, i twas real. We fell in love on our own. We had up sand downs. we fought.
Elena: I died.
Stefan: Yeah. We changed. both of us. We grew, we grew apart. But that is real. I mean, that's life.
Elena: You couldn't cook.
Stefan: And you could. Again, a fantasy. I'll always love you Elena.
Elena: I will always love you too. Do you think Damon and I will ever be able to talk like this? Like friends.
Stefan: I think you can either be friends with someone or in love with them. I don't think you can be both. 
Wait... they just told each other that they still love each other - and always will - but they're friends, so... what?

Back on the Other Side, Matt is still sitting around moping. Literally. He's just sitting there. Kol shows up again and says what we're all thinking-
Kol: Not to be insensitive, but she was already dead. Little bit of a grief overkill don't you think?
Matt: Where did she go? Did she move on? Did she find peace? Because it certainly didn't look like that.
Kol: I don't know where she went and honestly I would love to never find out. ...which is why I need you back in your body, shouting from the rooftops about what happened here.
Matt: It doesn't matter. When I go back I'm not gonna remember any of this.
Kol: Well you better find a way to remember it. Look you might not like me, but I'm not the only one out there. If this place goes down, then what happened to your sister is going to happen to us all. Please mate, you have to go back. You have to find a way to stop this.
Wow, are we actually going to feel sorry for Kol? One thing I will say about this show, as ridiculous as it is, they really do know how to make you feel for the worst people. Kol, Klaus, Katherine, Silas, Quetsiyah, Enzo, Damon... they've all done horrible horrible stuff, but yet, we've still felt sorry for them at one time or another and in the end, I just want to see them have their happy ending. While Matt is having this little debate with Kol, Bonnie and Jeremy are sitting in the sheriff's office waiting for him to return to his body. Bonnie is still fucking pissed. Jeremy apologizes and says he was just trying to protect her.
Bonnie: Here's what's not okay... Do what you want to protect me but don't fall off the face of the earth, especially with someone who was caught lying to me and tried to kill Elena. Don't put me in a position where I have to question you.
Damn straight, You tell him BonBon! Matt comes back to life finally and he does remember what happened on the Other Side! Some crazy shit is going down on the flip side and they have to figure out what's going on.

Damon returns to Casa de Salvatore to find Elena in his bedrom. She wants to thank him because the visions are gone.  
Damon: Well I'm sorry to tear you away from paradise.
Elena: It was paradise actually.
Damon: I told you. I don't want to know!
Elena: But you need to know. I saw a perfect life. Stefan and I were married and we had kids. It was everything that we wanted.
Damon: Well, we can always ask Markos to put it back.
Elena: But its not real. You and i... we're messy and complicated but we're real.
Damon: ...and really bad for each other. Did you forget that part?
Elena: Yeah but I still need you in my life.
Damon: As friends, right? No, Elena. I can't be your friend. It's too damn hard.
Elena: Damon.
Damon: No, I'm serious Elena, I can't see you anymore. I don't want to hear your voice, I don't want to talk to you, I don't even want to look at you and I sure as hell dont want to be your friend.
Elena: If that's what you want...
Damon: That's what I want
Elena: Okay... yeah, okay.
Of course, that's what he wants this week. God, stop having this fight again and again! Every other episode they're having this exact same conversation. I'm bad for you, I'm bad for you, but I love you, but I love you too! Ugh... Just get back together. Come on CW writers... GIVE THE VIEWERS WHAT WE WANT! (Or give me what I want and create a Damon doppelganger already and Elena can date him for a while. I'll take whatever I can get. Just need to see more Ian Somerhalder on this show.)

Back at Caroline's house, she's waiting for her mom to wake up after being stabbed by the Traveler knife. Tyler assures her that it takes some time to wake up afterwards - that's what happened to Matt. Sheriff Forbes starts to awake so they hang up. Then Tyler says to Markos "we're in". He's got a passenger! He's also got the only Traveler knife left. Markos throws it into the fire and chants over it as it melts. They're going to take over the town... no good will come of this.

Watch this episode, "Resident Evil", on Amazon Instant Video. Catch up on past episodes here.

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