5.30.2014

On giving compliments to strangers

http://www.abbyrosedalto.com/2014/05/on-giving-compliments-to-strangers.html
 


4 comments:

Anonymous said...

One point I would make is that what one woman considers annoying, another could see as flattering. We are all different. Saying to a man listen and learn after a rejection, well what we don't know is that his approach may very well have worked for him on previous women. To your point, I have seen men make some rather rude remarks to women they didn't know, but to my suprise in some cases the results were full satisfaction by all. A simple compliment directed to a women I don't know doesn't cross the line in my book but that is only because I usually get a smile. And I can say when a strange woman compliments me it is appreciated.

Abby Rose Dalto said...

The point isn't just to learn how to deliver a compliment properly. It's not about how to fine-tune your approach. It's about understanding why some women are uncomfortable with the approach at all. It's about men having the audacity to be offended that a female stranger might not welcome an unsolicited "compliment" of any kind from a man she doesn't know.

If a woman is truly reacting in a strongly upset way, the odds are the "compliment" is closer to street harassment. If some women don't seem to mind this, that doesn't the behavior is necessarily appropriate.

On the other hand, if a woman simply ignores a man's unsolicited "compliment" for WHATEVER reason, that's her right. Any man that has the nerve to be angry about this or feels the need to speculate as to her reasoning (blaming feminism or "reverse sexism") and dares to claim that somehow this qualifies as oppression, is probably an asshole.

Anonymous said...

As a 25 year old with no dating, romantic or sexual experience the hashtags and other 'movements' post-Elliot Rodger's crimes have certainly been eye-opening.

Seems to me I'm better off just not approaching at all and one guy dying alone is a pretty good deal if it means X amount of women I meet in life don't have to deal with one more potential rapist.

Anonymous said...

Schools have failed to teach young men how to interact with women. Sex education is typically about safe sex, abstinence etc. What they are overlooking is that men need to know not to touch a woman unless they have verbal approval first. Men need to be told that speaking to a strange woman is putting her in a position that could make her feel uncomfortable and unsafe. It doesn't matter that you think you are interesting and funny, it puts her at risk potentially. Mothers need to tell their boys that it is not ok to approach girls they don't know. The issue is about her safety. The message needs to be load and clear leaving no room for one
mistake.