5.02.2014

The Vampire Diaries: Liar Liar, Pants on Fire

Last night's episode of the Vampire Diaries is entitled "What Lies Beneath" which probably should have been the title of the episode where Stefan was trapped in a safe under water. I can only assume that the title is a reference to both the fact that there's a ghostly spirit haunting them the whole episode and the fact that every one is telling each other a bunch of big fat lies. In this episode, Stefan and Elena are hiding from the Travelers while Enzo is haunting the shit out of them and everyone is keeping secrets.

Watch This Episode "What Lies Beneath"

The episode opens up on Tyler who is just waking up. He's laying there chained up at Traveler base camp... and an attractive black woman (Maria) is kissing his chest. She asks "Julian is that still you?" He lies and says yes. She tells him that the Travelers are moving to a new camp so that Markos can do the spell. Tyler starts to change into a wolf and she realizes that he's not Julian. Although she yells for him to "Vyjit" (come forth) it doesn't work so she runs to get help. It's too late, Tyler transforms into a wolf and escapes.

Cut to Luke chanting at Casa de Salvatore, while Damon looks on in annoyance.
Stefan: Damon I know youre out a friend but I'm not sure this guy's the best replacement.
Damon: I'm not sure this guy's the best anything.
Luke is trying to use a locator spell to find Enzo, but he can't get a read on him. We know that's because Enzo is dead. Stefan knows too and you can tell he's a little apprehensive about Damon trying to track him down. Damon says that because he flipped his humanity switch there should've been a body count all the way to Cape Horn, but there wasn't.. so he's concerned. He wants to find him (even though he has no humanity and wants him dead for killing his girl) because they're BFFs and you don't turn your back on BFFs. Stefan suggests maybe he found a witch to hide him with a cloaking spell, which would mean that he doesn't want to be found. He suggests they just drop it and stop looking. Yeah great suggestion Stefan, keep lying to your brother!

Just then Tyler busts in to tell them there's a problem. He lets everyone know what happened at the Traveler base camp - Markos turned Sloane into a vampire, gave her doppelganger blood, did some kind of chanting and then cured her of vampirism. But he "cured her to death" because it returned her to the state she was in before she became a vampire, that state being dead. The Travelers want to get rid of all witch magic so they can break the curse and finally settle down.They're moving on to another camp for now.

Luke tells them that Travelers are always moving and are impossible to track. They will find Stefan and Elena way before they ever find them. Damon tells Luke to do a cloaking spell on Stefan and Elena in the meantime and tells Tyler to find out where Markos is and "avoid the entire Czech language". Good luck with that one.

Stefan and Elena are going to go on a secret trip (to Caroline's dad's cabin) so they can hide out. Elena thinks Stefan that he should've told Damon about Enzo's death but he doesn't think he can handle the fact that a) he's dead and b) Stefan killed him. Elena suspects that Damon doesn't want to see her face or hear her voice... she knows this because he flat out told her that he doesn't want to see her face or hear her voice. Stefan informs her that it was Damon who found her last night (for us viewers it was last week) and brought her home safely.
Caroline: For a couple of doppeltargets you two seem to be taking this all in stride.
Stefan: Yeah well, you know, a tribe of ancient wannabe witches want to drain us of our blood and eliminate supernatural beings. I've had worse.
They enter the cabin but Caroline stops - it looks like she hears (or senses) something but then she shrugs it off and goes back inside. Enzo's ghost stands in the doorway watching her as she does so, leaving us to wonder if maybe she sensed his presence but didn't realize that's what was going on. As Elena unpacks in one of the bedrooms, Damon enters. She tells him that she used to go to this cabin with Caroline's family before her dad split and that he would tell them ghost stories.
Damon: I hope the dickwad's spirit isn't floating around anywhere.
Elena: Have a little respect for the dead.
Damon: I respect that he's dead. How about that?
Ah the irony... that there really is a ghostly spirit floating around, but it's Enzo, not Bill Forbes. As they're chatting, Damon remembers that he's supposed to be avoiding Elena. She asks if that's still what he wants and he answers "yes, no, I don't know.' He apologizes for the fact that Enzo came after her and says it was his fault. He almost killed her, so he's going to hunt him down, whip some sense into him and make him apologize. She looks uncomfortable and he can tell there's something's wrong that she's not saying. But she doesn't explain and makes up an excuse to leave.

Cut to Jeremy and Bonnie making out (ew) in the dorms. He wants to know what they shoudl do about the Other Side slipping away. Bonnie lies again and says that Liv is working on a spell to keep her there. He gets a text that tells him that Tyler is back so he has to get over there for a "secret bro meeting". After he leaves Grams' ghost apperas to scold Bonnie for lying to Jeremy about this bullshit spell she made up. Wait... if she witnesses Bonnie's lie does that mean she was also watching Bonnie and Jeremy makeout? Ewwww. She tells her that she has to be honest with him about what is going on because the Other Side is getting swept away and she needs to give him a chance to say goodbye to her. She's so upset about it, she knocks over a lamp and they're both concrned - Dead people should not be able to move things from the Other Side. Grams says this is exactly her point - the other side is falling apart and she needs to tell him soon.
Grams: False hope doesn't protect him. It protects you.
Back at the cabin, there's even more lying. Elena feels guilty for lying to Damon.
Elena: I lied to his face.
Stefan: Yean I know but you know what? Think of all the times he's lied to you. Call it a freebie.
Enzo's ghost follows him to the shed to get firewood. He's pissed at them. Stefan says he refuses to give Enzo the satisfiaction of feeling guilty for killing him because that's just what he wanted. In frustration Enzo punches a hanging light and realizes that he can also move things from the other side. (Or at least ghosts can move light fixtures?)
Enzo: Now there's an interesting development.
And then a figurative light bulb basically appears over his head - you can see the ideas brewing. Back inside the cabin, Damon and Caroline sit in the kitchen while he cooks and she writes cards for charades. The theme is "secrets that people think they're getting away with". (Some examples being Area 51, JFK Assassination, Watergate... great game Caroline? What the fuck is wrong with you?)
Caroline: Well I'm sure team Stelena will figure it out.
Damon: A. You just implied that I was on your team. Two, you just gave me that judgey little hinty voice. So what am I missing?
Caroline: It's probably nothing...
Damon: Speak.
Okay before we get to the rest of this conversation, can I just point out the fact that Damon said "A" and then "Two". (The only thing that would've made that worse is if his following point was labeled "quatro".) Caroline mentions that Stefan and Elena have been a little "you know"... secretive lately. He says that Elena did get weird when Enzo's name came up but Caroline doesn't think it's that - she thinks they're secretly dating, now that they're both single again.

Downstairs at casa de Salvatore Jeremy and Bonnie are mixing up wolfsbane and vervain for Tyler. She's disappointed that their romantic day together now includes two other guys. Hey, sounds like a fun time to me. Matt has chained Tyler to the wall and they're going to make Julian come forth so they can presumably question him about the Travelers' plans (and perhaps figure out a way to get him the hell out of Tyler's body). Jeremy calls their idea "the dumbest idea ever" but they have no other options. Bonnie says she can't watch so she goes upstairs. Matt tells Tyler him "Vyjit", his eyes go black, and Julian comes forth. They ask him where Markos is but he won't answer. Matt tells him that he's inside his best friend (aka "your own personal hell") and then forces him to drink the mixture. Since he's in a hybrid's body it makes him sick. Interesting form of torture, using your friend's body against him.

At Travelers' base camp Markos shames Maria for not recognizing that her own husband (Julian) wasn't in Tyler's body. She says he had only been called out a few hours - she'd never seen a host reemerge so quickly. It's because Tyler is a hybrid. He tells her to find him and make it permanent. Everyone else is instructed to do less walking and more chanting - find him the doppelgangers.

As Luke sits outside the cabin in some kind of witchy trance, presumably doing the cloaking spell to to hide the doppelgangers, Elena, Caroline and the Salvatores  play charades. Damon suggests "Never Have I Ever" and it is the best game of Never Have I Ever ever.
Caroline: Never have I ever died.
(They all drink.)
Damon: Cheers to that one.
Stefan: Okay, um, never have I ever been possessed by my evil dopelganger.

Elena: Pffft. Mean...
(Elena drinks.)
Elena: Never have I ever been fooled by my evil doppelganger while she was pretending to be me.
(Everyone but Elena drinks.)
Caroline: Low blow.
Damon: Tough, but fair.
Caroline: Never have I ever kissed a Salvatore brother.
Elena: Mmmh mm.
(Elena drinks.)
Caroline: Today.
(No one drinks... awkward stares all around.)
Caroline: So are you gonna drink.. or?
Elena: Are you impying something?
(She's not implying anything. She's outright saying it.)
Stefan: Well I"m gonna get another round, does anybody...
Damon: Never have I ever lied about where Enzo is.
(More awkward stares.)
Caroline: Okay what is going on!?
Stefan: Nothing obviously because nobody's drinking.
Damon: I mean, clearly you know the rules of the game, right brother? If you lie, you drink.
Stefan: Oh I understand the rules.
(Of course, he's breaking them as we speak.)
Elena: This just got weird.
(It just got weird? It wasn't weird the whole damn day?)
Elena excuses herself and goes to to take a bubble bath (um, what? why? is this really the time:?) As she's standing looking in the mirror, Enzo appears again behind her. She gets into the tub and then Enzo forces her head under the water and holds her down. She struggles to free herself and yells to Damon for help. He runs into the bathroom to find her struggling alone in the bathtub and helps her out. She says someone was in there - she didn't see them but could feel them pushing her under the water.
Damon: I'd blame it on the spirit of Bill Forbes but I don't think you're his type. Besides, why would a ghost be targeting you?
Oh yeah... why? Care to explain Elena?

Back in the Salvatore dungeon, Dumb and Dumber continue to torture Julian/Tyler. He tells them that Markos destroyed their only tool against passengers like him (the knife) and there's no way they'd ever kill their best friend. So Matt stabs him. He doesn't plan on killing him but he does plan on getting answers. Finally Julian gives in. He says he can't tell them where Markos is because he doesn't know. But he can tell them where his body is. Markos doesn't like problems and Tyler escaping the camp is Markos' problem. He's going to want to get rid of Tyler for good by making Tyler's body Julian's permanently. So if they can find Julian's body - they'll probably find Markos (or at least some trail to Markos).

Bonnie calls Stefan and asks him to remind her why she passed on the cloaking spell party. He asks if things are getting worse on the Other Side because something attacked Elena and he thinks it might be a ghost breaking through. He wants to know if it's possible for a ghost to get physical on their plane and she tells him yes, especially if they're emotional enough... which we know Enzo is. Caroline overhears the converstaion and deducts that Enzo is dead. Damon enters and he knows the secret too becasue Elena admitted it to him finally. Damon's pissed, obviously. Stefan explains what's going on on the Other Side, so Damon calls out to Enzo. He tells him to "knock it off". (Yeah I'm sure that will work.) Caroline suggests that Enzo isn't trying to kill Elena (because vampires don't die from drowning) so he maybe he's just trying to scare them. Damon realizes that it was just a distraction - he's figured out a way to kill them all in one swoop, but how?



They run out to the porch and realize that Luke is missing. They better find him before the Travelers find them... but they may already be too late. (Cut to Markos and the Travelers chanting up a storm... yes, they will find them very soon.) They split up to look for Luke. Caroline and Elena go off into the woods and Caroline is upset that Stefan and Elena lied about where Enzo was. She understands why they lied to Damon but is pissed they lied to her. Elena didn't want to put her in an awkward position, but really this entire friendship is one big awkward position lately. She asks why she accused them of being "makeout buddies" but Caroline isn't sure where that idea came from. I think she was jealous. They've been prepping us for a Caroline-Stefan relationship for a while now. Damon is also pissed at Stefan for lying but he's also pissed at himself for not realizing that Enzo was dead. He was his best friend - he should have known.Stefan admits he was afraid that Damon would hate him. They find Luke's body tied up in the firewood shed. It smells like gasoline... Just then Enzo sets it on fire. Ah, if that's not poetic justice I don't know what is...

Stefan starts to untie Luke, but then Enzo stakes Stefan from behind - not through the heart though, so she's just struggling in pain, not dead. ("Dick move", according to Damon). Then he pins Damon to the wall with a huge piece of firewood.
Damon: If only this wasn't totally avoidable.
Stefan: Oh really, you're doing "I told you so."
Damon: This isn't gonna stop Stefan. I killed his girl, you killed him, this isn't going to stop.
Damon promises to bring Enzo back - they brought Bonnie back, Markos came back, they can figure out a way to bring him back. But the Other Side is fallling apart so he won't be able to stick around for long otherwise. Stefan manages to free Luke and Damon tells them to leave and protect Elena, while he sticks around to suffer with Enzo. Enzo frees him from the wall, but warns him not to let him down again. Um, Enzo, you do know that Damon can't hear you right?

Bonnie and Jeremy go to a creepy cave to look for Julian's body. He reminds her that they're technically still on their romantic date weekend. Awesome. There are bodies and bodies piled up in the cave - every one of them a passenger in someone in Mystic Falls.They try to figure out which one is Julian while they talk about how this is a terrible date, but it could be worse right?... And then it gets worse! (Haven't they learned not ot say shit like that?) Maria and a few of her Traveler buddies show up. They restrict Jeremy's airwaves using chants so they can collect Julian's body.

Back at the cabin, Stefan and Luke chat. Luke says that he and Liv should have kiled them when they had the chance and Stefan questions why they didn't. Honestly, there's no reason why they wouldn't have except that the CW isn't going to kill off two of the main characters. They try to justify it though with some bullshit about how his family was screwed up and he likes the way their gang protects each other. They still need Luke to protect them, so they decide to pack up their stuff and get out of there. Damon returns with a huge hole in his shirt and an even bigger chip on his shoulder. He says it was easy enough for Markos to find his way back, he'll find a way to bring back Enzo... otherwise he'll terrorize them for the rest of eternity. (Isn't he going to terrorize them dead or alive?) Then Damon punches Stefan because well, Stefan totally deserves to get punched. (I kind of want to punch Stefan at least once every other episode.) He says that he had to do that for Enzo but that's the last he'll hear about it from him. Then he leaves.

Back at casa de Salvatore, dungeon level, Bonnie and Jeremy let Tyler know that they lost Julian's body. They have to explain to him that they took the body so that he could take over Tyler's body full time. Just then he starts to see things - Julian's memories - and we are all supposed to understand that Julian is taking over his body for good, just as Katherine took over Elena's. Bonnie realizes they're doing the spell to make it permanent. But is it really permanent if they were able to get Katherine out of Elena? I'm sure they'll find a way to get Tyler back eventually, but for now, he's gone and Julian is in control.
Julian/Tyler: I take it you didn't find my body.
Before leaving the cabin, Caroline tells Stefan that she's hurt he didn't trust her enough to tell her about Enzo being dead. She said it sucks to be left out of the loop. (We know this is Jealousy!) He admits maybe he didn't want her to know that he killed Enzo because he didn't want her to think less of him. She watches the wood shed go up in flames (they're not even going to try to put that out?) while he walks back to the car... but then something catches his attention in the woods. We aren't shown what, but we can make assumptions...

At the car, Elena tries to talk to Damon about lying to him. He says he doesn't care, but he's acting all pissy and bitchy. He says she was right to try to protect him from "spiraling" because if he spiraled it would prove that they shouldn't be together... but he didn't. He's holding it together the best he can for her.  He's still mad at her though, because being around her drives him nuts... but not being around her also drives him nuts. He grabs her and kisses her - they really do make up and break up every other episode don't they? (Don't think that was an official get-back-together kiss, but it's something.)
Elena: What was that for?
Damon: Because I've had a really crappy day and I needed it.
You know sometimes when I've had a really crappy day I feel like I need to kiss Ian Somerhalder too. Just sayin'. He goes back in the cabin to get something but just then Markos and the Travelers arrive to take her. We can assume they already got Stefan in the woods. Now, maybe just maybe, they would've gotten away safely if every single one of them hadn't wasted so much time with their bullshit chit chatting. Add up the time Stefan and Luke spent talking about how they protect each other and the time Stefan and Caroline spent talking about trusting each other and the time Damon and Elena spent talking about their relationship... and they could've gotten away already!

Only two episodes left... I cannot wait for this season to be over. I've really kind of had it with some of this contrived bullshit. Is it bad for me to kind of wish that Markos would just kill the doppelgangers and the show can end and Damon can have his own spin-off where he just walks around with no shirt on making snarky comments?

Watch this episode "What Lies Beneath" on Amazon Instant Video. Catch up on past episodes here.  

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