The episode opens up with Eric Northman, alive and well (or... undead and well).
Eric: You found me.Who found him? It's Jason Stackhouse. Hm, this seems unlikely... no? When Jason tells Eric that he can't get him out of his head, it's clear that this is just a vampire blood-induced sex dream. That was a cruel little tease HBO because you know we have been wondering where Eric is and when he will return. However, we've all been waiting for this dream since Jason first drank Eric's blood in the first place.
As the citizens of Bon Temps gather around to figure out what to do about the Hep V vampires terrorizing the neighborhood (and kidnapping Arlene, Holly, Nicole, etc.) Sookie sits around eavesdropping on everyone's thoughts. She lets Andy and Sam know that she found a dead body in the woods last night and it wasn't someone she recognized. Interesting how she just lets them know about the dead girl now. Has Bon Temps really deteroriated so badly that she doesn't think to mention there's a dead chick in the woods until now? She says no one recognized any of the sick vampires either, which leads to the conclusion that they must be from a nearby town. If they ask around maybe they can figure out where they came from and, in turn, where they've gone.
Rev. Daniels asks Mayor Sam if there's something they can give the townspeople to do to keep them "occupied" because they're all feeling a little freaked out. Sam announces that Arlene will not be pleased with the current state of Bellefleur's when she gets back - and she will be back - so he asks everyone to help pitch in and fix it back up. Of course, the rules are that they only stay out during the daytime and if they travel near dark, to be accompanied by a vampire. Andy tries to get Adilyn to go home, but she isn't really anxious to get back. She makes up an excuse about staying with Rocky and Wade (Holly's boys) because that's what family does. Of course, she has a crush on one member of that "family" so... gross. He tells her to be home an hour before dark and the same rules as last night - if Jessica comes back, you do not invite her in. Oops. Jessica's already been invited in and is probably taking a vampire day-nap in their attic as they speak.
At Fangtasia, where the sick vampires have chained up Holly, Arlene, Nicole, etc. the vampires fight over the fact that one of them (Rodney) ate Deputy Kevin last night. He was totally supposed to share and he didn't. What a dick. The plan is to share or starve and he cut their rations down by a fourth, so they have to go out hunting again. Last night was supposed to bring in way more victims than it actually did.
Rodney: How was I supposed to know they'd ivnite fuckign vampires to their barbecue?They put Rodney on sleep patrol and make Betty their new "reaper" (at least until Rodney can prove he can be trusted) because as a former schoolteacher she must have self control. When she gets downstairs, she makes eye contact with Arlene and they recognize each other, so she takes some chick Belinda upstairs instead of her. Arlene and Holly realize that she taught their kids and thinks that Betty might be their ticket out of there.
Arlene: I know I've had some pretty shitty luck and it probably ain't too reassuring to be in a situation this fucked up with me at your side, but that is why you gotta believe me when I tell you that I did not survive four lousy husbands, a serial killer boyfriend, and the sorta suicide of my love Terry, to die in the dingy basement of a fucking vampire bar. I am getting us out of here.
Jason, Andy, Sam, Alcide and Sookie go to the dead body in the woods and check her ID - she is Mary-Beth Grant from Saint Alice (two towns over). Sookie, in an oddly poetic moment, decides to talk about a quote on the brutal indifference of life: "Life don't care how old you are or where you're from orhow good a person you've been. Totally indifferent." Um, okay Sook. They decide to take a road trip to Saint Alice.
Lettie Mae goes to check on Lafayette and he says he's holding up alright. She admits that she and Tara made good last night and she took care of her, but the Lord has some epic timing. She's glad she had that moment with Tara but she wants more and she can't have it because Tara is gone. She claims Tara came back to her last night - her spirit - and she needs her help before getting to heaven. So she needs Lafayette's help to get her some vampire blood. He tells her it definitely wasn't Tara, it was just the blood but she won't hear it. She believes Tara needs her but he tells her she needs to let her go and calls her a drug addict.
As people clean up Bellefleur's - including big piles of gooey dead vampires, ugh - Adilyn commiserates with Wade. Just then Vince and his vigilante posse enter like a big bunch of assholes. He claims that Sam and Andy left town while the rest of them just sit around playing cleanup. They find a bunch of dead bodies in the freezer and Vince tries to convince them to turn on Andy and Sam and take matters into their own hands.
Vince: This town's full of vampers, has a dog for a mayor and is being preached at by a telepath.Lou tells them that Sheriff Andy pointed a gun at his head last night to protect a vampire. They tell Rocky that Andy may date his mother (Holly) but look what happened to her on his watch. If they want to get her back, they need them. They know they need more guns but the gun stores are all sold out. Adilyn reads the thoughts of Deputy Kevin's girlfriend, who knows where there are lots of guns (presumably at the police station). Instead of fixing up Bellefleur's, they start tearing the place apart, breaking anything that can be used to make stakes (like chairs and tables). Dicks.
Back at Fangtasia, Betty comes back down to "reap" another body for the Hep V vampires. Arlene and Holly tell her who they are and she says she can't let them see her showing any mercy or she's dead. Arlene reminds her that she's dying anyway, right?
Betty: She's right. You don't have to mince words with me. But even if I accepted the idea that saving your lives was more important than saving my own. I wouldn't have the first clue how to do it.Arlene tells her that her life is important. She's the best teacher her kids ever had and reminds her of how she got her daughter Lisa through her nightmares. Holly says she was the only one who could teach her son Wade to read after everyone else had given up. They were so sad when she went away. She admits that she's scared and doesn't want to die like this. She starts to cry and lays herself in Arlene's lap, as she comforts her.
Arlene: You have more to show for your life than most people.She tells her she'll figure something out and then grabs another man and drags him upstairs to be eaten.
Betty: I can't help you. I'm sorry.
Arlene: I'm not gonna bullshit you. This ain't a dignified way to die. I wouldn't wish it on your worst enemy. But you have the gift of knowing it's coming. Of making choices in your last days. Not everyone gets that. We wouldn't get that. My husband Terry, he didn't get that. Your legacy is all you have now. Please help us get out of here. Please.
Sookie, Sam, Andy and Alcide arrive in Saint Alice and it is a deserted ghost town. "SOS" and "HELP" is painted everywhere but it's clear that no one came to help them. They find a shallow open grave full of dead, rotting bodies. There's no one left. Everyone is either dead or taken.
Wade and Adilyn go to the police station to try to warn Kenya that the vigilantes are scared, angry and coming for the guns in the supply room. The three of them each grab a weapon and go to defend the station, just as the mob shows up. Vince says they're there for the guns as part of their second amendment rights to not be fucked over by the government. Um, that's now how the second amendment works dude.
Kenya: Don't you try that NRA hillbilly shit on me. If y'all woulda been armed last night this whole town woulda been dead.The black woman from Vince's posse (does she have a name?) gives Kenya some strong black woman power talk to get her to agree to hand over the guns. It's honestly kind of offensive that this works. You're better than that Kenya. Just cause some chick talks about the civil war and how Jason Stackhouse stole your promotion, you're gonna give up? A few minutes ago you were complaining about the NRA hillbilly shit and now you're in on the plan? Adilyn gets scared and shoots light at her, which causes Jessica to sense her fear. It's still daylight so Jessica can't go to help her, but she tries to call Sookie for help - but of course, Sookie threw her phone into the woods last night, dumbass. The hillbilly idiots raid the gun closet and play target practice down at the station. It's like a commercial for gun control if I ever saw on.
Meanwhile, in Saint Alice, the Scooby gang checks out Mary-Beth's house. Jason, using pizza forensics, says that they must have left two and a half days ago. They stick with one town at a time, hit it again and again until it's done, then move on to the next (now Bon Temps). Andy says that if he gets Holly back he won't ever let her go because "a man ain't nothing without a family". Sookie reads Mary-Beth's diary and tells the story of her meeting a vampire named Henry Ellis. She was working at a diner and he walked in adn she fell in love with him. This diary might as well have been written by Sookie herself, as she reads about Mary-Beth and flashes back to meeting Bill. She reads a story of sick vampires taking over a church and killing (or taking) everyone who was there. It is dated 2011. Wait... is the True Blood universe three years behind!? How is that even possible? She reads about the situation in Saint Alice getting worse and worse, including the fear that someone will kill her baby Kaylen, while Jason and Sam sit in the baby's room looking sad. This was a depressing trip for sure.
On the ride home from Saint Alice, Alcide tells Sookie that she didn't bring vampires to Bon Temps just like Mary-Beth didn't bring them to Saint Alice. She didn't give them a virus that makes them rabid beasts. She fell in love the same way every person on the planet falls for their first love - hard and fast - and all that makes her is human. She cries and says she appreciates him saying that to her. All she can think about is how Bon Temps is going to end up like Saint Alice. All I can think about is whether Alcide will take his shirt off again. He offers to keep on driving and not go back, but she says they can't do that.
Back at the Daniels' home, Lettie Mae burns her wrist with a frying pan and then gets an idea. She puts her entire hand in the pan, causing her hand to sizzle and hurt like crazy, as an excuse to go down to the church basement and wake up Willa and ask for her blood to heal her. Willa says Rev. Daniels told her not to give her more, but she begs and says she's in too much pain so she gives her enough blood to heal her. Then Lettie Mae gets a vision of Tara nailed to a cross like Jesus, with a yellow snake draped over her. She tells her mother she has the answers for her, but Lettie Mae can't hear her. She starts to speak in tongues while Lettie Mae begs her for the answers. Meanwhile, Willa watches Lettie Mae hallucinate and cry and she probably feels like shit right now.
At Fangtasia, the sick vampires take a rest. Their leader reminds Rodney to set the clock for fifteen minutes so they can feed again. Apparently, they need to feed often? While the others rest, Betty the vampire school teacher tells the leader than she wants to be the sleep monitor. She claims that even though she's tired, she knows that everyone thinks she's the weakest and is just waiting for her to die. She says she doesn't trust Rodney to wake her so she'd rather do it herself. He agrees and tells Rodney to take a nap and Betty to set the clock for fourteen and a half minutes. She sneaks downstairs and tells the women she has twelve minutes to get them out of there, but she needs to feed on one of them first. Arlene offers herself. Betty starts to feed but then can't stop. Then suddenly she dissolves into a pile of bloody goo. What the hell?
Meanwhile at the Bellefleur home Jessica says "what the hell?" as if she was reading my mind. She tries to cover up the fang marks on her own arm (Why didn't they heal? Is this because she's underfed?) when Andy walks in and finds her in the attic. He accuses her of eating Adilyn but she pins him down and makes him realize that Adilyn isn't there and she isn't there to hurt them, she's there to help them. She doesn't know exactly where she is but she knows she's in trouble. She will go find her when the sun sets... is Andy coming with her or not? Hell yeah, Andy's gonna go all Liam Neeson on their asses.
Sookie and Alcide get home. He's so tired and wants to get some sleep but she tells him to shower first (so he doesn't smell up their sheets. Really? That's what you're concerned about? Nah, it's really just her way of giving herself an opportunity to leave without him noticing. She goes to visit Bill and asks if he can still sense her fear, if she ever gets herself into "some serious shit".
Meanwhile Pam is in Rhone Valley, France. "Un-fucking-believable" she says as she enters what must be Eric's fancy French estate. She looks pissed and passes some half naked women who say, in French, that he won't take their blood.
Eric: You found me.The episode begins and ends on the same line, but this time it is much less satisfying than the opening because he has black veins showing on his chest, meaning he has Hep V? Oh no...
Watch True Blood on HBO GO.