True Blood Final Episode: Thank You

So it's finally come. The True Blood finale. I gotta say, I was kind of underwhelmed by this episode. Even as a regular episode it would just be meh, but as the FINAL episode?

Of course, I'm not totally complaining because a few good things did come out it - everyone gets their happy endings (well, kind of) and Bill meets the True Death. Finally. I have not wanted a television character to die more than I have wanted Bill to die in a long time. The entire final season it seemed as though the writers were trying to bring Sookie and Bill back together, so it was a relief when they finally let him go. Of course, that doesn't mean I completely accept the final outcome for the rest of the characters, but I suppose I'll take it.

The entire episode was spend humanizing Bill, while at the same time, bringing him closer and closer to death. The episode opened up with Bill explaining to Sookie why he wants to accept his fate and meet the true death. He does not see a future for himself and Sookie. She keeps going back to him (she just can't quit him) again and again, even though he totally doesn't deserve it and that needs to stop.
Sookie: You're choosing to die because I have no self-respect?
Um, pretty much. Yeah. Bill thinks he belongs with his family - dead and buried in the cemetery - and Sookie deserves a better life. He doesn't want to deny her the best parts of her life (i.e., children) but they love each other too much to just break up. He asks her to use her fairy light to euthanize him and therefore kill two birds with one stone (pun intended). If she uses her magic fairy light ball, then she will cease to be "special" and therefore be done with vampires forever (because she will no longer have fairy powers or smell delicious). She is extraordinary but it's also extraordinary to be human - to live a normal life. He wants to set them both free.

At Fangtasia, Eric decides to unchain Sarah Newlin and set her free... but warns her that he will catch up with her eventually. The plan is to kill Gus and steal New Blood out from under him because sharing was never really their thing. Pam feeds her some blood so they will always be able to find her whenever she is frightened (which she should be a lot because everyone will always be hunting her and Eric has glamours her to be sure). When Gus learns that Sarah has "escaped" through the tunnel, Pam and Eric use this as a distraction in order to take out the Gus and Yakuza henchmen. The other Yakuza men were set to go after Sookie but Eric zipped over there just in time to kill them all before they could get her, without her even knowing by the way. Cue badass driving scene of bloody Eric with a backseat full of bodies. Damn he is hot no matter what he does. Meanwhile, Pam finds Sarah at a merry-go-round (the same place that Eric turned Willa, which she learned from Bill's book) and Sarah requests that Pam turn her into a vampire.
Sarah: I have spent my entire adult life trying to be the best woman-behind-the-man I could be and maybe the problem all along was I was meant to be the woman-behind-the-woman.
Pam: So you're just gonna be a lesbian now?
Sarah: If you made me a vampire, yes. I woudl do things for you. Or you could do tings to me. However you wanna play it.
She suggests that now that Tara is gone Pam might have an opening for a new Girl(friend) Friday but Pam tells her not to dare use Tara's name. She lets her know that there is not enough money in the world that would make her let her go down on her or vice versa, but she does want her blood (a "vaccination" against Hep V).

Jessica and Hoyt come to Bill's house to tell him that she does not want him to die but that she will be fine. (That is what she would want to hear if she was him, so that's what she decided to tell him. She may never understand but she will find a way to accept it and be okay. And Jessica is officially the most mature person in the scene.) Hoyt tells Bill that Jessica is the reason that he has decided to stay in Bon Temps and Bill wants to know if he might someday ask her to marry him. Despite Jessica being totally mortified, Hoyt says that he would want to marry Jessica someday. Jessica is pissed because Hoyt has only known her for a day technically but Bill insists that when love is real it can happen in an instant. He confesses that he never got to give his human daughter away or meet the man she married, so he just wants to know that she would be spoken for before he dies. Barf. Seriously, I don't know if this is supposed to be sweet or what but it's just creepy and old fashioned and gross in my opinion. Suddenly Jessica is totally on board with this marriage idea and wants Hoyt to marry her today so Bill can be there. Um...... what the fuck? Sorry but no, just give let us know that they end up together, we don't need to see them get married in the finale.

Meanwhile, Sookie reminisces about her past. Flashback time! Young Sookie and BFF Tara get caught in the rain so Gran making them hot chocolate. Sookie reads her mind to learn that she had a crush on Jason and then confesses that she doesn't think she'll ever get married and have a family some day. Gran schools her and tells her she can have whatever she wants and she has no limits unless she puts them on herself. Gran asks Tara to make Sookie remember this someday when she isn't around. But now neither of them is around.

Sookie goes to visit Jason and finds Brigitte in his T-shirt and boxers. She lets him know that she didn't sleep with Jason and then Sookie reads her mind to learn that she broke up with Hoyt last night but thinks Jason is the sweetest man she ever met. Sookie tells Jason about Bill's request and admits that she's not sure she could do it even if seh did want to. Jason has no idea what to tell her, only that he will love her either way. Just then Hoyt calls Jason asking for him to be his best man and Jessica calls Sookie asking to borrow a dress that would pass for a wedding dress. This is actually kind of sweet, because despite how things went down last night (or in the past), Jason was Hoyt's best friend.
Sookie: What the hell went on last night?
Good question Sook. Good question. Sookie puts on a pink dress that looks like it was made for a toddler (seriously, that is what you wear to a wedding?) and grabs a selection of white dresses and they both head over to the Compton house. Andy, Holly and Arlene come too and Andy is surprised to see how sick Bill really is. Bill asks him for a favor - they have a lot of history between them, not all of it good - but Andy is technically his oldest living heir (since his grandmother isn't "fit"). He can't give his estate to Jessica legally, so when he dies it will go to Andy. Andy says he can't accept the house but Bill asks him to "rent" it to Jessica and Hoyt for $1/month and he agrees. Hoyt feels like shit about what happened with Brigitte and the fact that she knows he's marrying Jessica today. He also apologizes for hitting Jason but he says he'd take a hit from him every day (twice on Sunday) if that was the price to have him back in his life.
Jason: We gotta live every day like it's our last, man. And if we do, it puts everything in 'prescription' for us.
Oh Jason Stackhouse, never change. Hoyt is nervous about the wedding but Jason makes him realize that he loves Jessica and besides, this probably isn't totally legal anyway. Bill walks Jessica down the aisle to give her away (again, gross) and all I can think is I wish James and Lafayette were there too. I mean, it's awkward and creepy anyway, might as well go all out and add a little Lala flavor. Andy officiates and Bill thinks to himself that he is feeling so much pain but not to let them see. Sookie can read his mind - um what? - and hears him say how much he loves her. How the hellll? Andy acknowledges that the state of Louisiana may not recognize this union but he has no doubt that God does. They have no written vows and have no rings, but it's okay, let's improvise that shit! Andy's vows are actually pretty decent and I kind of want him to officiate my wedding some day. (Since the idea of me getting married someday is about as realistic as True Blood anyway.) The whole time Bill thinks about how much he wants this for Sookie. Andy pronounces them husband and wife ("you may kiss your vampire bride").

Later, when Jason learns that Sookie could hear Bill's thoughts his reaction is the same as mine "what the fuck?" Bill said the disease was making him feel more human than ever before and well he's more right than he even knew. (Jessica also mentioned that he felt "warm" when she hugged him earlier, so... weird.) Of course at that point, I started to freak out that Bill might not die and might become human. Because anything is fucking possible and that sounds like just the kind of shit they'd pull.

Sookie tells Jason that Brigitte is sweet on him and if he happens to accidentally end up sleeping with her on the way to airport, she approves. He doesn't want to be a"girlfriend-fucker" ever again, but she reminds him that they just came from Hoyt's wedding so she's not his girlfriend anymore anyway. They are seriously trying to give everyone the sappy happy ending? We don't all need to be paired off to be happy HBO!

Sookie goes to visit Rev. Daniels at the church and tells him how much simpler the world was before they knew anything about vampires, werewolves, werepanthers, etc. (Oh yeah, werepanthers. Remember them? Guess we get no resolution on that story line.) She wonders if some people are just "mistakes" but he tells her that so many people in the town think they wouldn't be here if it wasn't for her; she is not a mistake. She wants to know if she is sinning against God if she decides to "un-fairy" herself and lead a normal life. Rev. Daniels tells her that they are all as God made them but God doesn't lead their lives or walk in their shoes... he gave them amazing brains so they could use them to make their own decisions and exercise their own free will. Yes, but how does God feel about assisted suicide?

Sookie calls Bill ot let him know that she has made arrangements with the cemetery and to meet her there at sundown. She changes into a tiny black dress (doesn't this girl own any real clothes?) and meets him by his family's graves. He wants to be buried in the empty grave that had his tombstone when he "died" the first time. They kiss and even though she doesn't want to let him go, she agrees to do this for him and he is grateful. He gets into the grave and opens the coffin that was buried in his place. Inside it is a photograph of him and his daughter that they took just before he left for the war. Oh so I guess that means we're supposed to have considered that flashback from a few episodes ago, not a waste of time? Whatever. Sookie tells Bill that she will never forget him and he wishes that he could say the same but he does not know what will happen next. (Didn't Tara show us that there's a vampire afterlife?) He lays down in the coffin and Sookie creates her fairy light ball but then she just stares at it. Suspense. She didn't realize the gravity of what he was asking her to give up until just now. It is part of her truth, it is part of her, who she is, whether she likes it or not. And Bill is also a part of her and always will be, but she can't do this for him. She "turns off" the light ball and asks if Bill still wants to die. He says "Please" so she goes to find something to stake him with instead (she breaks a shovel). I mean, really, that is the easier method of vampire killing. She climbs into the coffin with him and asks one more time if he is sure (he still is).
Sookie: I love you Bill Compton.
Bill: I love you too.
They kiss and then.... he helps her force the stake into his heart. Splat!! I can't believe they really did it. I was a little concerned that he was going to rise from the blood again (like he did as Billith) but then I would hate this show forever and curse them worse than How I Met Your Mother for that twist in the finale. Sookie sits by the coffin, bloody and crying for a while and then climbs her way out of the grave and then covers the hole with dirt (by hand, since she broke the damn shovel). Then a bloody Sookie walks into the woods in the moonlight. This could have been a good place to end the episode, and at 10:00 EST, I almost thought they were going to.

However, they gave us an extra ten minutes of happy ending epilogue!

First: An awesome infomercial for New Blood starring Eric and Pam. They tell the story of how Sarah Newland - after committing mass murder by unleashing Hep V on the world in the first place - drank the antidote. They claimed that they never captured her but in their hunt for her, she jumped through a window and left behind a few drops of blood on the glass. They were able to use that blood to have their "team of world class scientists" create synthesized "New Blood" (the logo is Sarah Newland's face by the way, hilarious, and the slogan is "from vampires, for vampires").

Then three years later: New Blood is all the rage and Pam and Eric are opening up the New York Stock Exchange.

The following Thanksgiving: Eric and Pam are back at Fangtasia (Eric in his throne as always, but looking bored and discontent as ever) while Pam has got Sarah Newland chained up in the basement. $100,000 for one minute with Miss Noomi herself (cash only). Sarah is still being tortured by visions of her dead husband, mocking her. Guess not everyone gets a happy ending. Meanwhile, a pregnant Sookie is hosting the biggest Thanksgiving ever. Jason (married to Brigitte) has a bunch of beautiful blonde children and Sam shows up with Nicole and their daughter(s). Everyone is there: Jessica and Hoyt, Lettie Mae and Rev. Daniels, Jane Bodehouse and her husband, Lala and James, Andy and Holly, Holly's sons and Adilyn, Arlene and Keith, even Willa. And.... Sookie's husband/boyfriend... some unknown dude that we only see from behind. Seriously? We don't get to see who it is? Even HIMYM let us meet the mother before they killed her off. (And um, why weren't Pam and Eric there? Willa was there, but they're not invited?)

I'm really glad that Sookie did not end up with Bill, even if the actors portraying them are married in real life. I guess we couldn't truly accept her ending up with Eric either, even though that would've been great, because she apparently needs to procreate, but really? She's married to a random stranger man? Blah. Overall kind of anticlimactic.

I admit I yelled "wooooooooooohoooooooooooo!" when Bill met the true death, but I have to say overall this episode was a stinker. They tied everything up in a perfect bow - Sarah gets what she deserves (talk about karma), Eric and Pam get to be filthy rich and eternally sexy (even if a little discontent), Hoyt and Jessica are married, Jason ends up with Hoyt's ex-girlfriend, Arlene ends up with Keith, etc... A little too perfect. Yes, I'm glad everyone got to be happy but is being married and making babies really the true happiness? Boring.

The title of this episode was "Thank You" and I supposed that's a message from the writers to the viewers and fans who stuck it out for seven good (or mostly good) years. True Blood was a part of my life for a long time so I'm grateful to it as well, but I'm also really happy that it is finally over. Thank you True Blood. And goodnight.

Watch True Blood on HBO Go.

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